"Have a baby," they said... "It's easy," they said...

So we are well into our infertility journey and we are holding up... but this little blog entry isn't about our progress, it's about our experiences throughout this process.

You get married. People start asking you when you are going to have kids.  You start to get "the fever."  You get anxious. You decide to start. You get excited. One month goes by. Not pregnant. Confused. Two months. Nothing. Frustrated. You Google it. Oh, elevate my hips? Skip a day?  Track my ovulation? Take supplements? Have HIM take them? Confident. Three months goes by. It didn't work. Worried. A few more months go by. You are pregnant! Ecstatic.  You don't believe it. Shocked.  Genuinely happy.  You miscarry.  Blame yourself.  Broken. Sad. Devastated. You pick yourself up. Everything happens for a reason, right? Get pregnant again. Happy. Terrified. You miscarry again. Heartbroken. There's something wrong with me. Why is God doing this? It's not fair. Can I try again? Am I strong enough? Yes. I have a great support system. Stronger. Let's tackle this.  Doctor's appointment. One diagnosis. Sad. Fertility clinic. More diagnosis'. Very down. Assured. It can happen.

And then there are the doctors appointments... 

Blood work every other day.. Ultrasounds 
Every other day.. IVs.. Good news.. Bad news.. Your legs up in the air while 2 or 3 different people waltz around the room like its nothing. Not to mention $20/visit for a co-pay which adds up to between $60-$100 a week. And of course it doesn't help that you are reminded weekly that you are on the "recurrent pregnancy loss program." Because there is nothing I enjoy more than being reminded constantly of the BABIES that I will never know and that are waiting for me in heaven..... 

And of course the doctor puts you on medicine. Which is the understatement of the year.  8 pills a day that cause you nausea, fatigue, hot flashes, and multiple other ANNOYING side effects. A gel every morning- I'm not even going to touch on that unpleasantness.  And shots every night in my stomach that feel equivalent of wasp or hornet stings and leave my stomach looking like a swollen, purple, pin cushion. 

And of course... The dreaded and un-preventable two week wait where you don't want to get your hopes up... But you literally can not help but have hope.. Just to be let down.

That all being said... This is NOT meant to be a pity post. I am not looking for people to say, "I'm so sorry." Because honestly, I'm not sorry. I am choosing this path. It sucks. I can't sugar coat that... But, there are thousands of women that are going through this every day, all over the world. We support each other. We complain about how hard it is. We want to give up one day and want to go full force the next. At the end of the day, we just want a baby. We want a child. We want our family to grow. We want to watch our husbands love someone so fiercely that it makes us fall in love with him all over again.  We want to look at the miracle of life made from the best parts of ourselves and the best parts of the one we love. It's what we want. And we choose to take this journey. 

The most important thing is having support. So I guess the whole point I'm tying to make is that more than anything, women and couples going through this experience need support. We need to know we are not alone. And we need to know that whether it takes 12 months or 12 years, the finish-line will make it all worth it.